The traditional Vietnamese wedding is one of the most important ceremonies in Vietnamese culture. According to the old conception, A successful man is only when he finished 3 great works in his life: get married, buy buffalo (a good job), build a house. Being an important event in life, when Vietnamese girls or boys get married, it is required to study carefully about the age, job, characters…of each other and also the party’s family, when all conditions are suitable for each, they make a final decision of a wedding.
Vietnamese people believe that some days are particularly auspicious, so choosing appropriate days for the engagement and the wedding is another task for the fortune-teller.
A wedding is done with following steps: The engagement, the wedding day
Engagement
An engagement ceremony usually occurs half a year or so before the wedding. In the past, most marriages were arranged by the parents or extended family, and while children were sometimes consulted, it was nearly always the parents’ final decision. It was not unusual for the bride and groom to meet for the first time at the day of their engagement. However, in the last few decades, Vietnamese women and men marry based on love rather than arranged marriages.
Before the engagement day, each family chooses a representative. This person is a member of the family which has a happy life and a high ranking position in the family. Both of representatives do representation, exchange gifts and controlling the flow of the ceremony. Besides choosing the representatives, both families sit together to negotiate the dowry and the good time for the ceremony. The time is chosen very carefully based on the propitious time and day of lunar calendar (normally this is decided by a Buddhist monk, Spiritual leader, or fortune teller due to the spiritual nature of the occasion)
The gifts are prepared by the fiancé family several days before the engagement ceremony. Traditionally the gifts was placed a number of trays. The number must be an odd number 5, 7 or 9… trays depends on the condition of the fiancé family. The gifts are covered by the red color paper or cloth. In Vietnamese beliefs, the odd number and the red color will bring luck to the young couple. The gifts include betel leaves, areca nut fruits, wine, tea, husband-wife cake and sticky rice… one of the most important gift is the whole roasted pig which placed in a large tray. Both families also choose 5, 7 or 9 people who bring and receive the gifts. These people must be young and not marriage. Boys represent for fiancé bearing the gifts and girls represent for fiancée receiving the gifts. Upon arrival the young men dismount and are met by the same number of young girls dressed in red ao dais. The men hand the gifts to the girls who take them inside.
Each young girl hands her male counterpart a small amount of money to designate that they are ‘working’ – there is a superstition that being an unpaid helper at a wedding will mean that you won’t marry.
The engagement ceremony is a chance for the young woman’s family to meet their future son-in-law
Accepting the gifts
The leading couple of the groom’s party enters the bride’s house carrying a tray of small cups of wine and invite the bride’s parents to take a sip. By accepting the toast, the bride’s parents symbolically agree to admit the groom’s party. A few years ago, this would be accompanied by firecrackers, but many accidents and a subsequent ban put an end to the tradition.
The groom’s family introduce themselves and ask permission for their son to marry his bride. A Master of Ceremonies (usually a respected person chosen from the bride’s relatives) instructs the bride’s parents to present their daughter. The bride then enters. Traditionally, this will be a red au dai. The groom will wear a dark suit or, more traditionally, a black ao dai..
After receiving the gifts, the young couple prays in front of the fiancée’s family altar to ask for approval of fiancée ancestors. When this ritual finishes, the fiancé give the fiancée the engaged ring.
Following the engaged ring giving, the both representatives introduced the member of both families in an order. they enjoy the party which prepared by the fiancée family. It is also expected that some of gifts are returned to the fiancé family for luck before the fiancé family leaves.
The days after the engagement ceremony to the wedding ceremony, the parents of fiancée family bring the wedding cards with gifts to their friends, family members… and neighbors to invite them to the wedding party of their young couple
If the fiancée or her family breaks off the engagement for any reason, all of the gifts must be returned to the young man’s family. If the fiancé backs out before the big day, her family keeps them.
The wedding day
The final stage is the wedding day. It consists of an extensive set of ceremonies: asking permission to receive the bride, receiving the bride at her house, and bringing the bride to the groom’s house, wedding reception.
Traditionally, the couple must stay apart on the day before to prevent bad luck. On the night before, the bride’s mother will tend her daughter’s hair with several combs. Every comb means something, but the most important is the third comb – at that time she will ask for luck and happiness her new home.
On the day of the wedding, the procession of the groom’s family is led in specific order. The first person would be the representative of the groom’s house followed by the groom’s father, the groom, then the rest of his family and close friends.
The number of people participating in the groom’s procession varies but is usually restricted to a smaller number (20 or so) to make it easier on the bride’s family, which must receive all the guests.
In the procession, the groom, his family and friends bear elaborately decorated lacquer boxes, covered in red cloth. Inside these boxes are gifts representing the wealth that the groom’s family will bring to the bride’s family. Gifts are betel, fruit, cakes, a roast pig, fabric, and an abundance of jewelry for the bride. Usually, the number of gift boxes varies between 6 or 8, but never 7 or 9 since it is seen as bad luck. However, it depends on personal view and might be reduced to 2-3 boxes. [The number must be an even number such as 4, 6, or 8. The gifts are covered by the red color paper or cloth. In Vietnamese beliefs, the even number and the red color will bring luck to the young couple.]
Upon arriving at the bride’s home, the procession lights fireworks to alert the bride’s family, who then lights its own round of firecrackers to welcome the groom’s procession. Members of the procession are introduced to the bride’s family, and the bride’s family introduces its members to the procession. The groom presents his gifts to the bride’s family, and he is given permission to greet the bride, who is finally brought out.
The permission ceremony begins in front of the bride’s ancestor altar. The bride and groom burn incense sticks, asking for permission from the ancestors to bless them. The couple turns and bows to their parents, gives thanks for raising and protecting them. The bride and groom then bow to each other.
A formal tea and candle ceremony along with speeches follow. While tea has always been an essential part of Vietnamese life, Vietnamese tea culture is not as complex or ritually rigid as its counterparts in China, Japan or Korea. A traditional wedding may be the only time in a Vietnamese person’s life that a formal tea ceremony is essential.
The bride and groom, in front of all their guests, will turn to their parents. Each parent will then give advice about marriage and family to the couple. A candle ceremony will follow, symbolizing the joining of the bride and groom and the joining of the two families. The groom’s gift boxes filled with jewelry will be opened by the groom’s mother, who will then put each piece on the bride for good fortune.
Due to Western influence in the concept of wedding rings, modern weddings still include the giving of jewelry to the bride but are followed by the exchange of wedding bands between the bride and groom. However, Catholic Vietnamese families reserve the exchange of wedding bands for the separate church ceremony.
Bringing the bride to groom’s house
As the procession arrives back at the groom’s house, the groom’s family members that did not take part in the procession but remained at home will light firecrackers in celebration. The newlyweds will be brought to the groom’s ancestor altar, where another ceremony takes place and the bride is introduced to the groom’s relatives. Finally, the bride is brought to the couple’s room and shown their marriage bed.
The reception for the bride and groom’s family and friends
Following the ceremony at the groom’s house, all of the bride and groom’s family and friends are invited to a reception that traditionally takes place at the groom’s house.
Nowadays, however, the reception occurs immediately after the procession ceremony to the bride’s house, and takes place at any desired location—such as either couple’s house, a restaurant or a hotel banquet hall. It is not until after the reception that the bride is brought to the groom’s house. The vast majority of newlyweds also have their own place. If so, they simply go to their house.
The number of guests in attendance at these modern-day receptions is large, usually in the hundreds. Elaborate 7 to 10 course meals are served, often starting with cold platters then followed by hot dishes such as seasoned lobster, seafood hot pot, and other Vietnamese and Chinese banquet dishes, often ending with dessert or a fruit platter.
Traditional Vietnamese wedding gifts
Guests are expected to bring gifts, and it is traditionally in the form of money in an envelope. Immediate family usually gives more money to the bride and groom. At one point during the reception, the bride and groom will go from table-to-table to thank guests for their blessings and sometimes collect the envelopes. Most couples however leave a box at the sign-in table for guests to drop in their envelopes and cards, although this is frowned upon by older traditional conservatives. Occasionally, the family and guests’ monetary gifts will cover more than the cost of the wedding and reception.
The bride’s change of dress
In modern weddings, brides usually change into three different gowns during the reception. Her dresses usually comprise the Western white wedding gown, a second Western dress to be worn at the end of the evening during the dancing and a third traditional Áo dài to be worn during the traditional table visits to personally thank the guests for coming
In the past, they would have walked, but today most wedding parties opt for cars and change to cyclos for the last part of the journey.
Red is the dominant color in a traditional Vietnamese wedding – it’s considered a lucky colour and will lead to a rosy future.
The ceremony
The wedding ceremony begins in front of the altar. The bride and the groom kneel down and pray, asking their ancestors’ permission to be married and their blessing on their family-to-be. The couple then turn around and bow to the bride’s parents to thank them for raising and protecting her since birth.
They then bow their heads towards each other to show their gratitude and respect to their soon-to-be husband or wife. The Master of Ceremonies then advises the wedding couple on starting a new family and the two sets of parents take turns to share their experiences and give blessings.
The groom and the bride then exchange wedding rings, and the parents give the newly wedded couple gold bracelets, earrings and other valuable gifts.
The wedding banquet
After the marriage, both wedding parties leave to join guests that were not invited to the marriage ceremony at a large banquet. This is usually a large gathering, often in the hundreds and sometimes more. The groom, bride, and their family are once again introduced to the guests and everyone drinks a toast. Dinner or lunch is served at the table.
During the reception, the groom, bride, and their parents visit each table to thank their guests. In return, the guests give envelopes containing wedding cards, money gifts and a blessing to the newly wedded couple.
After the banquet, the groom’s party and the bride leave for the groom’s house, where she will live. Later, the bride’s party follows to inspect the accommodation – particularly the marital.
Modern infusions in religion and culture
While most Vietnamese are Mahayana Buddhists, a significant number are Catholic. However, this does not change the traditional Vietnamese wedding. Vietnamese Catholics still incorporate all parts of the wedding ceremonies and reception. The only difference may lie in the ancestor worship at each newlywed’s house. Because Catholicism does not condone such worship, this ceremony is often omitted or replaced with worshipping the Christian God or venerating Mary. Due to the strong cultural values, this substitution or omission is not always made, however.
Most current-day Vietnamese weddings—both in Vietnam and overseas—incorporate both Western and Vietnamese traditions. One such infusion is the bride wearing both a Western wedding dress and an Áo dài during the wedding and reception.
Perhaps the most significant Western and Vietnamese infusion is the proceedings of the traditional three ceremonies. With the omitting of the first traditional ceremony (“asking permission to receive the bride”), the last two traditional ceremonies (“receiving bride at her house” and “bringing bride to groom’s house”) tend to no longer take place on the day of the wedding but instead are used in place of a Western engagement ceremony. Thus, the actual wedding day may only include a Buddhist/Church ceremony, and large reception.
Symbols
Traditional and modern symbols of marriage are often featured during Vietnamese marriage ceremonies as decorations on the wedding umbrellas, lacquer gift boxes (or the red cloth that covers them), or even the decorations in the homes of both the bride and groom. They usually include lanterns, doves, initials of the couple, among other things. However, one symbol that is indispensable are the words “song hỷ.” This phrase also appears as the character 囍, which reflects the influence of Chinese characters. While literacy in these scripts during feudalistic times was restricted mostly to scholars, officials and other members of the elite, characters such as these have always played an aesthetic role in important occasions such as weddings.